Nothing ever seems to just happen like it’s supposed to for me. Things that are quite simple matters for most people are always big ordeals. Sometimes – no, most of the time – I am extremely frustrated by this. But sometimes, some grace-filled times, I seize the opportunity to be sanctified.
Nothing major has gone arry. It’s just the constant pecking away at my sanity by all the little ways the world around me just refuses to cooperate with me. We can’t just go to Ikea and make a return. We have to first spend an hour searching our apartment for the receipt, even though we always put the receipts in the same place. And we can’t just hail a cab and go. We have to first get the one taxi driver who doesn’t know where IKEA is, and of course we don’t know the name of the road it’s on and are still a bit disoriented, so we can’t show him the way.
Other people just turn on their computers and use the internet. But not us. No, no, no. Why would we expect to have access to the internet that we’re paying for? Sure, nobody else around us seems to be having this issue, but we are who we are after all. I am me. And of course, if cyberspace refuses to allow me entry from home, it maintains the same policy when I’m in other places. As I sit in this cafe, people all around me are happily using the internet. They had no doubt when they came in here that it would work. They simply connected to the cafe’s internet, typed in the password, and voila! But why would the same procedure work for me? I did everything right. My computer is telling me that I’m connected. And yet, here I am, cut off and writing on wordpad (I’m the only person in the world who owns a computer and doesn’t have word) about my lot in life.
But don’t worry. This isn’t a venting session. Ok, maybe the last couple of paragraphs were. But as is usually the case in posts like this, I’m getting somewhere. I plan on bringing this post full circle and giving God glory for interrupting my usual whining and self-pity to enlighten me and renew my mind. You see, right now, my blood pressure is not shooting through the roof, no veins are popping out on my neck or forehead, and I’m not saying all manner of shameful things in my mind. Right now, I am believing that God is sovereign over all things, and he is working all things together for my good. I am believing that nothing irrelevant or pointless happens to me in this life. And I am believing that God is burning away the dross. Spoiled impatience and perfectionism come together to form a thick layer of dross around me, so I shouldn’t be surprised when the fiery trial comes upon me as though something strange were happening to me. The fact is, all the seemingly stupid little things that happen in my life are not evidence that God isn’t for me, but precisely the opposite. He’s keeping his promise to finish the work that he started.