How is it that I, the fickle-hearted, have been given the role of leader in the lives of my wife and daughter, of mentor to a growing group of young men? I, the one who has used the same mouth to bless God and then curse those made in his image. I, the one who has grumbled in the wilderness after receiving bread from heaven. I, the one who has left God’s side and gone after other lovers and made my share of golden calves. God uses me. He gives me responsibilities. Astounding! And if I gaze too long into the mirror, utterly frightening.
But when my eyes are fixed on the one who called me according to his purpose, the one who’s been carrying me, faith comes. When I read his word and see his interaction with adulterous, murderous David, with spiteful Jonah, with hot-headed, cowardly Peter, I see redemption, long-suffering, faithfulness, steadfast love, and promises kept.
God has always used the weak and foolish to confound the strong and wise, things that aren’t to bring to nothing things that are. Despite all the times when I begin to think otherwise, I am the weak and foolish. And what I have to give is nothing, and somehow, God uses it to accomplish his purposes.
I think on this, and I’m melted. I am brought to the feet of God, and I want to praise him. And David could go so boldly to the throne of grace, could say such things to God, could boast of such love from him, even after his dark conspiracy. I too, have endless love, endless access to him. God rejoices over me with singing! He is never once flustered or frustrated by my pendulum-life. He never draws back in offense when I sin against him, when I choose the darkness. When I grieve him, it is he who pursues me to reconcile. This is how our relationship started, after all. The offended pursued the offender, reconciled with him. Atoned for him! What a God! There is no one like him!
Now, I offer praise and thanksgiving to God for everything he is, everything I’m not, and everything I am in him.