The day is coming quickly now, when I will walk into a classroom full of five year olds and begin teaching them English as a foreign language. Wow. How did this happen? Five year olds? I’ve subbed for the kindergarten several times. I’ve tutored kindergarten students, one-on-one. But now, I’m the one who’s responsible for establishing the classroom rules, procedures, and expectations. (And for consistently enforcing them.) Sure, I can do that for high schoolers. But this is a whole different ball game! And as we’ve spent these last two weeks at work planning and prepping, my anxiety has increased. What if I can’t do this? I don’t belong here with these other teachers. They obviously belong in this position. But look at me! Every time they introduce the English teachers in meetings, I feel like it’s all in black and white, but there I am, with bright highlighter all over me, and the word “error” written over my head with a teacher’s blood-red pen!
Early mornings have been great. The sun’s just beginning to rise. There’s a serene quiet, and the girls are sleeping. The house is nice and tidy because Hurricane Eden hasn’t awakened to destroy it yet. And there I sit on the corner of the couch, under the light of the lamp, with my coffee, my bible, and my prayer journal. It’s almost like one of those pictures with some cheesy text under it that Anna might post on Pinterest.
I hadn’t read from Judges in a while, so I recently decided it was time to stop neglecting that part of God’s Word. It’s funny what God uses to speak to us. The Midianites: those were some nasty folks. Coming along at harvest time and plucking up all the produce that the Israelites had worked so hard to grow for their families and leaving them to starve! Talk about ruthless! And God tells Gideon that He will use him to save Israel from their oppressors! Gideon’s response? “Oh no, no, no, I’m sorry all-knowing God, You’ve made some mistake. You see, I’m from the weakest house of the weakest tribe in Israel – which, if You hadn’t noticed, is pretty much the weakest nation in the region! I’m totally unqualified for the job, and there a literally thousands of candidates who are better for the job than I.”
And yet, the sovereign God had chosen. He refused to address all the weakness that Gideon spoke of, only talked of might and valor, and simply reminded Gideon: “do not I send you?” And really, there’s no valid argument to be made at that point.
My getting this job at the kindergarten was the result of a nearly two-year long story of closed doors and strange opened ones that we had never considered walking through. And God showed us at the end of that two-year period, that His plan was far better than the one that we had – the one that He thwarted. So I don’t have a ton of experience with classrooms filled with five-year olds. So there are many, many other people who are more qualified than I. Isn’t it He who sends me?